I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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