i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
