Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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