Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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