i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
