I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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