So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
