okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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