Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
