i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
