I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
