you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
