Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is it because I queefed?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
