LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
