With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
