I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
