Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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