I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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