he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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