my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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