It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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