I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My bed smells like the plague
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
