When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
