I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
