My hand turned me down
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
