eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
