if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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