How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
