I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
