I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
