glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
