Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
