Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
