3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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