i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
