i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
