Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
