I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
