Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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