It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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