I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think my mom watched the whole time
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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