My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
