he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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