Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy

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  (803): I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy http://tfl.nu/msis
  Replies (76) Good night (6571) Bad night (796)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

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  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (31776) Bad night (1225)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash

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  (708): Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash http://tfl.nu/zsge
  Replies (6) Good night (3489) Bad night (1108)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)

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  (660): My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :) http://tfl.nu/iyqj
  Replies (21) Good night (6132) Bad night (1707)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome

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  (403): That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome http://tfl.nu/k9p3
  Replies (25) Good night (5678) Bad night (1035)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

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  (865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf
  Replies (23) Good night (8386) Bad night (1096)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

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  (+44): He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work http://tfl.nu/peex
  Replies (3) Good night (1085) Bad night (3334)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?

  (509): View more from Washington

  You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.

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  (303): Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it? (509): You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge. http://tfl.nu/hjyd
  Replies (7) Good night (3986) Bad night (817)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.

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  (907): Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/278e
  Replies (20) Good night (6680) Bad night (950)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.

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  (304): I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay? (1-304): Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime. http://tfl.nu/2vyh
  Replies (6) Good night (1631) Bad night (459)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue

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  (303): Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue http://tfl.nu/w6vq
  Replies (3) Good night (484) Bad night (745)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night

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  (678): Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night http://tfl.nu/l7hl
  Replies (3) Good night (518) Bad night (307)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night

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  (239): I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night http://tfl.nu/ue4h
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (342)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom

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  (734): Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom http://tfl.nu/vsfc
  Replies (3) Good night (810) Bad night (292)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.

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  (859): I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot. http://tfl.nu/dk5g
  Replies (1) Good night (872) Bad night (251)

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