I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
