Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had