you would pick up someone in the library
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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