Don't you send me to vm
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.