Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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