i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
