oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
