She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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