she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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