david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
