You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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