Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
