also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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