My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
