Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
