my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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