she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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