He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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